Control and Why?

   Very recently, in fact, today, I realized that I am a bit over divulging. I have a lot of Facebook friends, whom I do not know much about, some of them I know nothing about, not even their name or face. I have only accepted their friend request just because it's a friend request and I couldn't say no. I am no longer friends (either online or offline) with many friends who were near and dear to me once. I am blocked/ignored or  on the restricted list on some users' settings. 

    Even though it hurts that I am unwanted, I couldn't do much if someone thinks I am not wanted and to be honest, I, myself ignore a lot of the people I know. I deliberately avoid eye-contact if they are in my presence or I just never bother. It might hurt less if someone whom you wanted to be friends with is not interested but it surely hurts every time you remember someone who has deliberately cut you off after months/years of friendship. Wait a second here, why am I whining as if I were a teenage girl suffering from identity crisis?
    Returning to the main topic, why online, am I deliberately revealing a lot about myself? Just yesterday I finally hosted my personal website which I was putting off for months and more than ever, I accepted several long-pending requests from people I do not know and sent a lot LinkedIn connect requests. See, I almost never send out friend/connection requests. I just receive them and I nearly never say no. Whatever I post online will be visible and read by many who never really have any business to do with any of it, not to mention the bots and spiders of search-engines continuously looking for sensitive information. 

    Website is one thing. I want to write posts like this and do programming projects which I want to share with everyone. I want to use my personal website as a showcase of my technical skills and expertise. Why am I over revealing myself? Why am I shouting out everything about my personal life in such an needless way? Why couldn't I be someone who will stay mysterious unless otherwise required? Why couldn't I stay unruffled?  Why couldn't I let go of my past or not feel anxious of the future? Why couldn't I stay in the present? Why do I feel I have no control?
     Eight years back, I used to chat pseudonymous with my cousin. It was fun while it lasted. After 6-8 months into it, I revealed myself and it didn't end well. We were teenagers and a budding friendship went down the drain. Within a year, I got an Orkut account and the online legitimacy felt very good. Every day, I used to get a friend request or two from my long-lasting high school friends. It was very exciting. Then I innocently tried to send a friend request to the cousin I just mentioned and she asked "do I know you?". She never talked again. Eventually I signed up with Facebook. There were not even privacy settings a that time and everything was publicly visible. Even after the settings were introduced, I never bothered to change them. Now everything is public.
    After this experience, I can no longer keep myself concealed online and cannot reject a friend request and can never stop lamenting lost friendships. Get offline and have a life.

Project Update 0.1

How’s the project coming along?

I would reply “So far, so good” (with the crossed fingers concealed behind the back). As per the plan, I guess I am doing just fine. Except that the plan is “Literary review” but I have just been doing “literary view”. I mean, I am viewing all the literature out there that I think is related to the project at hand and a lot of it for the first time.

I identified the following as related literature:

1. Morphology – since the project is basically about morphological analysis
2. Java – Oh! I am going to use java to build the whole thing
3. NetBeans platform – Yes, the framework is going to be NetBeans platform
4. Software Engineering – what! I wanted to follow sound SE principles for one, for professional assurance and for two, personal reassurance that I am doing just fine over the entire course.  
5. All other tools for all the steps starting from

·        compiler, IDE,

·        build,

·        version control,

·        unit testing,

·        integration, load and performance testing

·        quality metrics

·        technical documentation

·        issue management

·        continuous integration

Fortunately, no. 5 is just one book at the moment and I shall be learning how to use tools for all the above activities in NetBeans IDE.

Since nothing concrete can be shown as a proof for the knowledge being acquired except for using it during the course of the project, I couldn’t exactly show off anything right now. But, I hope the initial knowledge I gain will be sufficient for coming up with stating the IDE requirements in an unambiguous form for the next step. 

Humble Beginnings

Books get outdated eventually. There’s nothing more frustrating than reading an outdated book. To expound that statement, I would like to start with a little back story.

I was planning to start a programming blog. I started with the name “jStartJava” since I wanted to teach Java specifically focusing on Java GUI and swings. I was no longer a beginner to programming and I am quite adept with several other programming languages. I knew that a day would come when I wanted to talk more about programming languages other than Java. Then I decided on the name “jStartProgramming”, conveying the meaning that the blog would be about programming and it would be a jumpstart to programming rather than an absolute beginners’ guide. I was planning to target the novice programmers who are no longer beginners and naturally I would read a lot of resources already on programming.

I just opened the book “Beginning programming” to get yet another perspective on programming and starting reading the chapter “.NET - the future of online programming”. Even after reading several pages, It was no longer clear on what exactly .NET really meant. The frustration reached pinnacle when I read the sentence:

“The question, “what is .NET?” is difficult to answer in fully simply because .NET is so comprehensive and so forward-looking that it has not been completely defined yet.”

Then I remembered reading the sentence:

“As mentioned earlier, the full .NET implementation will probably not be released until Blackcomb, the version of Windows slated to be released after Windows XP” in the section C# could replace Java.

I could no longer read. I immediately turned to the back side of the cover page to find the copyright information. Proving my worst fears true, the book is indeed written in 2002 and I was reading it in 2013. .NET might have been fully implemented, I don’t exactly know (the whole point I read the chapter 21 detailing .NET immediately after going through the contents of the 400 page book). What I know for sure is the Windows released after Windows XP is Windows Vista and C# didn’t wipe Java completely from the face of the Earth.

My whole point is books undeniably get outdated but an online resource such as a blog can be updated from time to time. I hope my blog serves just that, keeping things interesting and yet up-to-date. 

Real Women in Science

I attended the panel presentation –“STEM Careers for Women: Challenges, Mentorship & Balance” which was part of the conference “Beyond the Barbie Stereotype: Real Women in the World of Science” on March 5, 2012 during 11:30–12:45p.m.

The conference was exhilarating and time flew. I learnt quite a few new things from all the panel members’ talks. All the members started with introducing themselves and talked about the advantages offered by STEM careers. Then they talked about the role of mentorship. True, as one of the panel members said, perfect mentors are scarce. I felt that role of mentorship is supremely important too. A mentor can even guide to maintain work-life balance and to steer clear of the challenges faced in addition to academic mentoring.

The entire panel members spoke of their experiences and lessons learnt from their experiences on maintaining work-life balance and challenges faced by maternity etc. One of the panel members appeared extremely macho in attitude and expression and I felt such a strength, courage, aggressiveness, and lack of emotional response are essential in the pursuit of an intellectual and successful STEM career.

One of the panel member’s talks echoed my feelings on the importance of the right partner. There were many pointers and advices given by all the panel members. I have noted down all of them and shall refer to them many times in future. One of the panel members concluded the conference by recommending three books which attack on many prejudices.

The take away message: “Time management is the key and life’s a balance”.  

The entire experience was thriving and I felt bad that I could attend only the panel presentation, not the entire conference.  

Best of Both Worlds

     Recently, a “Study-Abroad” fair was held in Hyderabad, India. Over twenty US universities participated and hundreds of students attended the fair. Most of the students who attended the fair were interested in pursuing a masters’ degree in the United States. True to the word, US universities have gained the reputation of being among the best when it comes to college education. Even the high cost of attendance is not a deterrent to many international students. I am one of the privileged students to get the opportunity to pursue higher education in the United States.

      One student who attended the fair answered with the word “infrastructure” when asked why he was interested in pursuing higher education in the United States. “US universities have good infrastructure. They have the funding to do research and I heard that it is a great experience to pursue a degree in the US”, he said. As a matter of fact, India too has Universities that stand in the top ten of the world’s best universities. Then why are US universities so reputed that every student dreams of pursuing a degree here?

       Say, there are a hundred universities in India and an equal number of universities in the US. Those hundred Indian universities should serve a billion college students but the hundred US universities have to deal with may be a million students which makes the issue of infrastructure a bit easier. When I graduated from high school, I was one of the 100,000 students to graduate from high school from my state alone that year. Only three reputed universities offer the major I was interested in and only the top thousand ranked students in the entrance test were eligible to get an admission. Naturally, I got an admission in one of the local colleges affiliated to one of the three universities. The university frames the syllabus and the 650+ colleges affiliated to the university teach the course. If you assume that the professor who frames the syllabus is in-charge, then there is roughly one professor for every ten thousand students. On the other hand every US University strives to make sure that there is one professor for every twenty students.

        To my utter surprise, the syllabus we followed was more or less similar to the syllabus followed in any US University. The syllabus is similar to the “core knowledge” curriculum mentioned in the essay Teach Knowledge, Not “Mental Skills” by E. D. Hiresh. Even though the syllabus is similar, the main difference is in the teaching and examination methods. A typical college student in India should theoretically be able to recite the whole text book. I feel that this situation is similar “stuffing information into a person” as mentioned in the essay “What True Education Should Do” by Sydney J. Harris. A college student in the US is good enough if he is able to understand the concept and if he is competent enough to use the concept to solve a typical problem. This situation is similar to “eliciting knowledge from the student”, stated in the same essay by Harris.

My university exams were held as public exams where all the 100,000 students following the syllabus framed by the university take the exam at the same time. Answer sheets were evaluated by the lecturers from all over the state and no one could know who evaluated whose paper. Anonymity was strictly maintained to facilitate a fair evaluation. Where as in the US universities, the professor who teaches the course evaluates the exams he or she conduct. A professor can help a particular student based on his performance but a college level student should be in a position to seek help or should be able to help himself.

I come from a country where the education is based on rote memorization. I like the system there which helps in remembering what a student learns. When a student has the concept in his mind, no matter which method he used to get it there, he can use it anywhere without the need to refer anything. I feel privileged to get an admission into a US university where a student need not memorize anything because, here a student has license to freely speak, write and be creative as mentioned in the essay “We should Cherish Our Children’s Freedom to Think” by Kie Ho. I am privileged to experience the best of both worlds.

Creative Classrooms

What is creativity? According to the dictionary in my computer, creativity is the ability to use the imagination to develop new and original ideas or things, especially in an artistic context. Ideally, any classroom in any academic institution should facilitate this no matter what subject is taught, no matter how many students attend, no matter what; there are no exceptions. To our dismay, this is not a utopian world. Indeed, there’s certainly a “gap between faculty and student expectations that leave the both parties unfulfilled” as mentioned in the essay “Creativity in the Classroom” by Ernest L. Boyer.

In the essay, Boyer claimed that “if faculty and students do not see themselves as having important business to do together, prospects for effective learning are diminished” (p 83). Most of my undergraduate days were spent in vain. Barring a few courses I took, I never felt the importance of sitting and paying attention to the class proceedings. Only the obligation to maintain at least 75% attendance and the prospect of losing an academic year if I failed to do so made me attend classes. Even in the classes I attended, I could hardly maintain focus. I used to sleep or chat with the student next to me. If the lecturer was strict, I used to sit silently and desperately hope for the bell to ring. Indeed every session turned out to be an uninspired routine since I distanced myself from the teacher.

Boyer effectively summed up the lecture method as it is in today’s classroom: “With few exceptions…the teacher stood in front of rows of chairs and talked most of the forty-five or fifty minutes. Information was presented that often students passively received. There was limited opportunity for positions to be clarified or ideas challenged” (p 86). In my undergraduate days, since every one of my classmates was registered for all the mandatory 28 credits in a semester, we used to have eight fifty-minute class sessions a day, six days a week. The instructors used to lecture for most of the time. Naturally, it was hard for the students to concentrate and maintain focus all day and all week. Only when the class had turned a bit noisy with all the student chatter, did the lecturer ask questions randomly to get the students’ attention back into the class. Most of the time, the lecturer would only assume that the students were following his/her lecture. Only some students were able to follow the class but no one ever cared about the students who fell behind. Those students who fell behind were left behind. The students who felt a bit confused with the concept being discussed hesitated to ask questions, fearing humiliation in front of the whole class. Some lecturers were only concerned with maintaining low decibel levels in the classroom. They ended the session satisfied if they had accomplished the task of maintaining low decibel levels. The success of a class session was not measured in the number of students understanding a particular concept, but was attributed to lower student decibel levels.

Whether students understand a concept or not, whether they have time to revise or even to study, they have to pass the test. This is, in fact, the primary reason why many students have recourse to cheating. Boyer stated that “the activities like cheating on assignments and buying term papers erode the quality of education,” (p 84) with which I strongly agree. I had a classmate who scored full marks on the midterm but failed the final exams since he cheated on the midterms, but had learned nothing during the entire semester. Even many of my lecturers, unable to control the situation, used to announce the questions for the upcoming test. They tried their best to help students pass the test. This kind of effort to reduce the gap only widens the gap and causes discredit to the instructors, ultimately leading to the dissatisfaction of both the students and the lecturers, and eroding the quality of education.

Undeniably, these examples are in tune with the observations of Boyer, which he termed “uninspiring and discouraging.” Boyer also found “exciting examples of outstanding teaching at many institutions” (p 87). To be honest, there were a few instances during my undergraduate days when I felt privileged to sit in a lecturer’s class. I had a professor in my junior year who taught us two courses. He used to mix the content in the textbook with his experience so elegantly and used to make us do experiments so passionately that at the end of semester I passed the courses without ever feeling the need to prepare for the exams.  He had command of the material to be taught. He never failed to answer any questions raised by the students. He maintained an enthusiastic environment for the entire semester and generated ideas from us. He guided our imagination to develop new and original ideas.

In a classroom, the professor is the person in charge. He or she should be equipped with all the necessary gear to make the entire session of the class fruitful. The essential qualities that make for successful teaching are stated in the closing paragraph of the essay, “Command of the material to be taught, a contagious enthusiasm for the play of ideas, optimism about human potential, the involvement with one’s students, and – not least – sensitivity, integrity, and warmth as a human being” (p 89). The professor should have the command of the material to be taught; only then can he or she effectively guide the students. Students, too, should gear up for the class, since all the creativity involves the imaginative ability of the students. Unarguably, a class is in session only because the students have registered for the course. A professor should give his or her hundred percent while the students should respond to the professor’s every call. A professor should prepare the students before the class, should thrive to make the entire session effective and should guide the students in doing the necessary follow-up to understand the concept and make them ready for the next class. It’s the responsibility of the students to be prepared for the class, to actively participate during the class and to do the necessary follow-up to understand the concepts discussed and to get ready for the next class.

Only when both the students and professor do their best, can a contagious enthusiasm be maintained in the classroom. Only when the students appear to be doing their best, can the professor get involved with one’s students. Only then can the gap between the professor and the students be reduced and can the impact of the teacher be powerful and enduring. 

Dodgy Drive

“Hello, mom?”

“Yeah, it’s me. How are you? Where are you? What’s up?”

“I’m getting ready…about to leave for the bus station”

“What’s the departure time?”

“Around 9 PM, not sure, I’ve to check the ticket.”

“Have a safe journey”

“Mom, what’s your say on climbing Mt. Everest? What do you think of swimming English Channel?”

“Well, if you want to do something that incredible, my best wishes are always with you”

“Thanks mom!”

Yes, I was planning to do something incredible at the least. I was about to endure fourteen hours of road trip in tough driving conditions on a borrowed bike.

I was living with my cousin in Hyderabad, India. We were literally inseparable. We went to the same college and had the same majors. We used to study, drive around the city, dine at restaurants and watch movies together. Our adventures were nothing short of the adventures of Huckleberry and Tom Sawyer. We even crashed a wedding, but never engaged in any life threatening ventures.

It was the end of final exams and we were planning to visit our grandparents in Gudem, 400 kms away, for the summer. If we board a bus or a train to our native place, it would take us there in close to nine hours. The route was via Vijayawada and only one road connects Hyderabad and Vijayawada. The road has only two lanes, one for up and the other for down traffic, with no divider in between. It’s a heavy truck traffic road and is notorious for accidents that can cause death on the spot. Only a few daredevils could ever think of travelling that distance on a bike, let alone on a borrowed bike, in one night.

I was in charge of my brother-in-law’s bike while he was on a three year trip to the US. As its caretaker, I was only allowed to drive it for about 20 kms a day and at a top speed of 40 kmph to keep the engine up and running. It would be a crime to even think of using it for our escapade.

We did all the packing, had supper by 8:15 PM and started our journey by 8:40 PM. Other than us two, except for my friend Swati (in Hyderabad) and Krishna (in Vijayawada) no one else knew about our plan. Krishna knew many cops in Vijayawada and he could come in handy in an emergency. Since it could be a life ending trip, I thought of texting Swati on our updates. I was hoping that the texts could help if anything had gone wrong. She replied for a few of my texts and always hoped for the best.

@ 8:40 PM: “Got started, feeling a bit tired, slept for only 2 hrs last night.”

Reply: “GOOD LUCK”

We were prepared for a chilly summer night but never had an idea of what we were going to face. I was an experienced driver having driven over 60,000 kms in the city, but had little experience outside it. The first thing we faced was an onslaught of moths the moment we crossed the outskirts of the city. My helmet screen could hold them off, but things got tougher with no street lights and eventually the four-lane city road transformed into a two-lane highway.

By 10:15 PM, we had travelled about 50 kms and the going got really tough. I remember seeing a truck passing another truck perilously close to us. I reacted late, had to get off the edge and traveled a few yards off it. The moment I tried to get back on the road, with very low visibility, I tipped over and in an instant felt my helmet touching the ground, my cousin’s head hitting me hard on the back of my helmet.

I got on my feet immediately and helped him to get on his. Thanks to our gear, we were not seriously injured. My helmet screen got broken and apart for minor scratches to our jerkins, we were left unscarred.

“Shall we turn back?” I asked.

“No, after travelling this far!” he answered.

We inspected our bike. Since we hadn’t hit anything, the bike was OK and we resumed our trip. This time, I was extra careful. It was my idea to do the trip and my cousin’s life was in jeopardy.

By 11:30 PM, we had travelled about 82 kms and the skies opened up. It started as a slight drizzle but soon turned into a heavy downpour. Since I had lost my helmet screen, the rain appeared to be raining directly into my eyes.

“If you want to live, PULL OVER.”, said a little voice in my head.

We were on a highway, and even if we had pulled over, there was no shelter to protect us from the heavy rain. I kept on driving and within minutes we were completely soaked. By 12 AM, we reached a small town and got under some kind of a roof to protect us from the heavy shower.

@ 12:05 AM I texted: “Stopped at someplace 90 kms from Hyd. It’s raining like anything.”

There was a power outage in that small town, and we stayed there for an hour. We tried to relax a bit by lying down on something dry, only to find cement dust all over it. We realized that it was the entrance to a cement store. I had never imagined that one day I would be lying down in a dusty place as a refugee. As we waited, we saw all the traffic from the city pass us and the road became practically empty.

By 1 AM, we could see some clearer skies and resumed our travel. By 2:30 AM, we stopped at Café Coffee Day in Surya Pet, half way to Vijayawada.

@ 2:40 AM I texted “Stopped at CCD in Surya Pet.”

The server in the café was astonished to see two people walking in at that time of the night with wet and soiled clothes. When he came back to reality and learned about our travel plan, he said, “How on earth did you get this idea? You don’t know what you’re playing with. This evening I saw a truck hit a biker in front of this café. I saw his head split into two in front of my eyes. Everything happened in an instant. Good luck with your journey, and if you survive this night, never try it again.”

@ 3 AM, I texted: “Had hot coffee, got refreshed, resuming travel.”

@ 4: 15 AM: “Stopped at the 135 ft statue of Panchamukha Anjaneyaswami.”

Reply: “I woke up at ur msg sound.”

Me: “Sorry to wake u up. Go back to sleep.”

Reply: “No problem, stay safe, good luck”

It was dawning by 5 AM, and we didn’t stop anywhere till we reached Vijayawada, even though it was drizzling all the time.

@ 6 AM: “Reached relatives’ place in Vijayawada, safe and sound.”

Reply: “Thank God. I guess this will be ur last update.”

Me: “Yeah well, thanks for staying with me.”

Reply: “Anytime… :-)”

Our relatives were even more surprised than the server at the café to see us that early in the morning out of nowhere. We had a light breakfast at their place and resumed our travel by 7:45AM.

The distance from Vijayawada to Gudem is about 120 kms and since it was after sunrise and with no rain, we had to deal only with our aching bodies. By 11 AM, we reached the outskirts of Gudem. We took a country road shortcut to avoid a two km roundabout in the town. Since it had rained heavily the previous night, the road was extremely dirty, and we had to drive with extra effort to avoid falling off the bike. The last mile appeared to be the toughest even after we had endured tougher driving conditions. It appeared as if we had prepared for the best and faced the worst. All was well that ended well, but a journey like that was not worth the risk.

It was a fun and memorable experience throughout to be honest, but at no point it was enjoyable. There was a constant fear that drove me all the way. My conscience kept on questioning, “What if I fall asleep? What are my parents going to say when they learn about this? How does my brother-in-law react?” Had anything gone wrong, this lifetime wouldn’t have been sufficient to recover.

My grandparents were happy and relieved to see us alive. They didn’t scold us scornfully, but advised us to take wiser decisions. “We may face adversities and have to bear consequences on any day, but isn’t it wise not to go looking for one?” said my Grandma. They never allowed us to ride the bike back to the city. We spent 250 bucks for fuel one way and had to spend 1200 bucks to bring the bike back to the city using public transport.